i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
