the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just googled if crying burns calories
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
