Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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