matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
