Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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