I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
