You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
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