only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
