I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
