I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
