Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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