vagina is talking i cant
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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