i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
