And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
