i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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