don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
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Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
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He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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