I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
