apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
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We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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