I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
