I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
