So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
