I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever