I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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