Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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