So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.