she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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