Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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