remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm at about main and main street
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
