I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
