Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize