I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
