I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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