And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
