I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
