My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The best revenge is premature balding
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
