haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
