Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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