If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
