Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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