life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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