He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
