your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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