You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
