i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
