Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
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I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
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She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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