i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
