Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
