Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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