I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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