If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
