You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
