I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
