I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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