just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
