saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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