Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
