Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
