brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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