mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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