im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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