Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
