peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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