nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
it was like eating out sand paper
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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