It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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