Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
