just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
