My hand turned me down
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
