70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
