hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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