$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
