You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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