R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
