I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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