how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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