apparently the secret to your success is patron
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
