the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
