um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I want to fling myself into the sun
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
