So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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